Not your place moms (a child's perspective)

 As a child I didn't have my dad growing up. After my mom had my older sister, my dad stepped outside their marriage and got another woman pregnant. With all of that, they tried for a period of time to work things out. During that period my mom became pregnant with me, and they were not able to work things out. My dad moved away and i only got to see him a handle full of times. My mom raised us, literally by herself (and for woman who actually have their child's father in the child's life, your not a single mom, your a single woman!). I know my mom had hurt in her heart, but she didn't put him down in front of us. When he did come to visit, she didn't tell him to leave, and I'm so glad for that. As a child, it was my and my sisters RIGHT to form our own opinions about our dad. I went through periods of anger and also periods of not really caring. Through those years of growing up, I did have my grandfather. My grandfather could never replace my dad but he certainly filled the adult male role in my life. We would go fishing, hang out in his work shed, go for 4 wheeler drives. I absolutely have a soft spot in my heart for my Grampy.

Later on in my teen years my dad came back into my life, and it wasn't easy at first. I had built walls for so many years, i couldn't let them go. I had a rough time emotionally, but as the years past, the walls fell. As an adult, I don't see things as black and white. I'm more understanding of peoples situations. I know that people are flawed. I know people make mistakes. I know my dad regrets not being there for me and my sisters. Today I have a really good relationship with my dad. My children love him to death, and he is their "Grumpy". It hurts me to think, if i had built up hate in my heart and never let him in my life, my kids would be missing out on their one and only living grandfather. 

lastly I would like to talk to mom's. If you love your children, don't influence the way they feel about their dad. You might hate him for real or even petty reasons, but you have no RIGHT to stoke a fire of hate in your child. No matter what the father did, its still the child's choice. When you put that child's father down, you're putting your child down. If your hate for your child's father outweighs the possibility of hurting your child, you're no better. Someday YOU could be seeking the same forgiveness from your child that you did not allow them to have for their father.